It's all about searching..
RIARG views "searching" as a very dynamic process and probably the key to self-discovery more so than any other stage. Many adoptees with OBC in hand will steam ahead while other adoptees will feel they are not ready. Regardless of your position searching is a very cool phase. This phase is noncommittal and means you can search at your own pace and frequency and still maintain all the control. In other words, it's safe! Personally, the element I like the best is the empowerment which this stage offers the adoptee because for the first time in the adoptee's life it offers the element to safely control the adoption experience with minimum risk.
RIARG feels that now that adoptees have their OBC and a full name this carries an enormous advantage for obvious reasons. Obviously it's easier to search and find someone with a name and therefore we feel that you should be the captain while conducting your own personal search. By being a part of this group and attending workshops and meetings we can offer a variety of search resources, mostly free, that can be instrumental at achieving your goal.
Searching can take many forms. Fundamentally, it's putting the pieces of your historic puzzle together. Look at it this way, adoptees basically are only aware of their life beginning with their adoptive family, this is commonly referred to as Chapter 2 within the adoptee community. Chapter 1 of your life holds the keys to learning your complete identity, such as your genetic lineage, where you came from, health history, and if the person next to you at the movies is your biological sibling or cousin.
If the sibling concept wages on your mind you are not the only kid in that pool, in fact, that pool is quite full. While in public places, albeit movies, markets, restaurants..etc maybe you're like me and find yourself seemingly endlessly gazing at dozens of faces around you.
Why do you think adoptees perhaps do this? There's a distinct possibility we are instinctively searching for a familiar face, perhaps so, perhaps not. If this is a familiar ring of the bell for you, then maybe consider the possibility that on some level you have been searching for a longer time than you realized.
Some adoptees will read this previous statement and say, "Wow, this is me." Others will dismiss the statement and think that it's a whacky suggestion. Some adoptees will also be able to handle this journey and some will not. Some will dive right in, and some will not due to indescribable feelings.
Regardless of your position be prepared that active searching will challenge you as an individual and likely reveal inner thoughts and emotions never previously acknowledged. If you feel searching will not be a big deal and will have zero impact on you and your life, good/bad or indifferent, you could be greatly mistaken. I'll put my 1889 Liberty Head Nickel on it (my favorite coin in my collection).
If you feel the search experience is a roller coaster ride, wait until you FIND! Again, I'm not referring to contacting, I'm explicitly referring to 'discovering.' With all the above topics mentioned," I will tell you the following: No matter how your journey unfolds after the discovery phase, when certain pieces begin to come together and when a life-time of questions begin to be answered, there is no feeling in the world I've ever experienced that is like 'discovering'. It is absolutely incredible to finally gain even the smallest bit of resolve. To finally learn you're Italian, Irish, French, German...etc.; or to learn who you look like; to learn that you never dated your cousin; or even discover where the artistic, musical, mechanical, or whatever skill you could never place a finger on manifests.
It is also worth mentioning, many will find an elusive sense of connection for the first time in life. This journey can be wild, relieving, astonishing and...
At the end of the day, regardless of all this information, no matter what you discover, this is your path to explore, and your journey, enjoy the ride!
The punch line is, no matter what course of action is recommended or how much an adoptee is urged to use caution, normally adoptees will tenaciously move forward with their search at break-neck speeds. Two reasons why adoptees will throw caution to the wind: 1) Adoptees are human and we have to find out for ourselves. Not only is it human nature, but it is an elusive personal nature we are following and trying to finally acquire. 2) Adoptees simply won't be able to contain ourselves, our inner desire will justly compel our ambition and feed our thirst to know. (Simply put, we just can't help it.)
The moment the adoptee arrives at the decision to search, even under the most private of circumstances, he/she will never be the same. For some, searching will be incredible, for others, not so much. Once you make contact, if that is what you so desire, your entire life perspective will be seen through an entirely different lens.
For those Adoptees who have the seemingly never ending curiosities, personally, I always recommend searching. To clarify, I am NOT referring to making contact nor reunion at the this point, both of which is an entirely different ball game. I am specifically referring to the act of searching. Above all, searching can be an amazing buffer zone. An adoptee can search without anyone else knowing, it's safe, it's empowering, it can involve networking with other adoptees, and gives an adoptee plenty of time to learn and process a wicked lot of information.
An Adoptee should, however, also be prepared to possibly handle an incredibly wild emotional roller coaster ride. Typically and adoptee can experience exhilaration, frustration, nervousness, anxiousness, happiness, sadness, be moved, elated with joy, dumbfounded, or astonished all within the same moment! Not to mention that there may be a sense of relief mixed in there someplace as well. To say the least, searching is like a roller coaster ride.